one of the hoi poloi

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Location: 34.609N -92.486W

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

words

I’m glad as hell I don’t have to learn English...


i before e except after c... doesn't explain science or their?


ough...

rough, tough, enough (stuff, cuff)

though, dough (throw, stow)

through (do, dew, boo)

thought, ought, bought, dreadnought, brought, (naught, caught, juggernaut) ( $1.00 to anyone using all of these properly, in the same order, in one coherent sentence. "I thought I ought to have bought a dreadnought and brought it along; yet all was for naught for it was caught by a juggernaut." doesn't count)

cough (off, doff)

bough (endow, cow)

drought [not the variant] (route, out, bout, doubt, about)


ocean, emotion, emission


would – wood
root – route
toe – tow
knee – nee
know – no
so – sew
far – fire (you have to live in the South to get this one)
fare – fair
rout – route
not – knot
no – know
bourn – born
their - there - they're

raise - raze



and consider ... file ...
fingernail file
rank and file or single file
file folder, file it away, brown file, or round file
file gumbo (French, Arcadian, Cajun)
not to mention the shrewd person type of file.

I'd just as soon learn Swahili using sign language.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

HOW DO I KNOW MY YOUTH IS ALL SPENT?


How do I know my youth has been spent,

My get-up-and-go, got up and went.
But in spite of all that, I'm able to grin,
When I think where my get-up-and-go has been.

Old age is golden, so I've heard said,
But sometimes I wonder as I get into bed.
My ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,
My eyes on a table until I wake up.

When I was young my slippers were red,
I could kick up my heels right over my head.
When I grew older my slippers were blue,
But still I could dance the whole night thru.

Now that I am old my slippers are black,
I huff to the corner and puff my way back.
The reason I know my youth is all spent,
My get-up-and-go has got up and went.

I get up each morning dust off my wits,
Pick up the paper and read the orbits.
If I’m not there, I know I'm not dead,
So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
- Anonymous (yet Knowing)

I aged today. I have now entered my “late forties”. In two years I will enter my early fifties (where I will remain for the ensuing six years). I still hop out of bed in the morning with all the glee and verve I displayed as a 20 year old. A pretty girl still catches my eye even if I don’t catch her’s. The stirrings of youth are still pretty vibrant. It’s still too soon for my mid-life crisis. I know this because I’m not tooling around town on a shiny new Harley Davidson.

My left eye is a +6.5 and my right eye is a +7.0 AND I almost constantly wear a pair of +1.5 Wal-Mart cheaters. When not wearing the contacts and cheaters I don bifocals and spend my day trying to figure out the correct tilt of my head. Extra light is extreemly appreciated!

I know more today that I did when I was 20. I even remember most of it when I need or want to. There are however things I participated in as a 20 year old that I will not participate in now. I know they’re either illegal or my system won’t rebound like it used to. The fear of jail or a of a force-ten, full-body hangover has developed with age. That’s not a bad thing.

I thank all my good friends who sent snail-mail or e-mail felicitations. All were greatly enjoyed and appreciated. I’m lookin’ forward to seein’ what the next 40+ years hold in store.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

I live in a wonderful place.

There are no home invasion robberies here because EVERYBODY owns at least one gun. I think they check potential residents at the county line to make sure they’re armed. If we’re ever invaded by a foreign power, Saline County, Arkansas will be the heart of the insurgency.

I can burn brush in my back yard without the threat of the pollution police hassling me. "Hold my beer and watch this" is my neighborhood motto.

Just last night my choice to move here those years ago was reinforced by a poignant tableau across the street. The fat guy was showing his EXTREMELY pregnant wife how to mow the lawn. He had a beer in one hand and was pointing with the other, all the while barking instructions. This is America.

Have you ever seen the television series “COPS”? Periodically I can watch it live while sitting on my front porch. The fat guy’s next-door neighbors have proven to be very entertaining. It’s an amorphous extended family including boy friends, kids, in-laws, outlaws, you name it. They put republican campaign signs in their yard. When the weather warms up so do the passions. I’ve seen ‘em brawlin’ on the front yard in a pile that would make procreatin’ snakes jealous. Boy friends, kids, in-laws, outlaws, dogs, etc all flailin’ around, cussin’, and scratchin’ and caterwallin’ and knockin’ down their Bush/Cheney signs. I’ve got a chair on my front porch so I can sit and watch. It’s free entertainment and better than TV. Larry the Cable Guy must live on my street. This truly is America.

Our neighborhood, more precisely the street I live on, had a tradition of lining the street with luminaires for two nights prior to Christmas. Everybody lined their street frontage with a candle in a bag every five feet. House decorations were mandatory. I usually plugged in the lights I put up several years ago to ensure all the bulbs were working. One year my neighbor decided to do it up right. He parked his bass boat in the front yard and put a string of fish silhouettes in front of it. The lead fish had a red light on its nose. He spray painted some garbage bags full of crumpled newspaper red to resemble bags of toys and placed these in the back of the boat. He rented a Santa Clause suit and sat in the boat and waved to folks as they slowly drove by ogling the luminaires and house decorations. It being a somewhat chilly night and the Santa Claus suit not providing adequate insulation, my neighbor decided to provide liquid insulation in the form of a brand new bottle of Old Grand Dad. The BIG bottle. He’d take a little sip for every second or third car full of oglers. After a while he took a sip every time we waved. Eventually he was inviting passersby to pull over and join him. I think a few took him up on it. At this point he was well beyond sipping. The next morning as I was leaving for work I noticed him curled up contentedly in amongst the toy bags snoring up a storm. His bottle of liquid fortification was lying on the ground with only the aroma of its past contents remaining. God Bless America.

Monday, April 11, 2005

i don’t understand


The far right conservatives, often called the religious right (RR), are famous for supporting legislation that controls how we live.

They vote to diminish a woman’s reproductive choices claiming abortion is an abomination that leads to the death of human beings. Thou shalt not kill!

They vote to raise taxes on alcoholic beverages because drinking is a sin in their eyes. This is one of the sources of the term “sin tax”. It’s a fairly easy process to raise the tax on something that is BAD for us. With all the statistics showing that most household accidents take place in our kitchens, you’d think they’d try to tax dishwashers, carving sets, stoves, etc.

They vote to keep the sale of alcoholic beverages illegal in certain counties. Often to the glee and GREAT financial benefit of the liquor store just across the county line. Furthermore, often with that store’s owner’s financial backing. Jesus must have done a bad thing when he changed water into wine at the wedding. Obviously, the RR knows better than Jesus.

God, Allah, Buddha, Gia, Krishna take your pick, I’ll call him/her Pat, gave us a mind to think with. A mind to learn with and a mind to make decisions with. Pat gave us the ability to CHOOSE based on what we learn and believe. The RR must believe that Pat was having a bad day when we were endowed with the ability to choose. Obviously, the RR knows better than Pat.

Here’s what I don’t understand. Why won’t they support legislation that outlaws smoking cigarettes is restaurants? Smokers are killing themselves with tar and nicotine. They’re also killing innocent bystanders with second-hand smoke. “Thou shalt not kill” must only apply to abortion. Why won’t they support legislation that keeps bona fide assault weapons out of our hands. Much to the chagrin of the NRA, real hunters don’t need assault weapons to harvest their game. Maybe it’s because all the filthy lucre the tobacco and firearm industries pour into the RR’s pockets.

I truly believe Pat is as baffled as I am.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

whoda thunk it

"Corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed."

Alan Greenspan - WRONG

John Kerry - WRONG

Michael Moore - WRONG

Bill Clinton - WRONG

Try Abraham Lincoln, 1864

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

wish i could do more

I have a dear friend who needs a new job. She has a job that pays pretty well and provides decent benefits. Basic employment-wise, she’s a lot better off than lots of Americans. However, the job is killing her spirit.

Five days a week she has to deal with people who have been dealt extremely poor hands at the great poker table of life. Extremely poor hands. Some of these people are victims of others’ vile actions. Some of them are the victims of their own poor decisions. Some were born with problems that normal, nurturing upbringings couldn’t solve. A few are truly scary people. All of them need counseling, medication, and a sympathetic ear.

Each and every one of them has a story to tell. I’m sure many of the stories are way stranger than the wildest fiction we could imagine. Some of the stories are probably carbon copies of others with the names changed. There may even be a few with stories that seem fairly normal but still need help. My friend has to listen to each and every one and make a judgment. She has to determine what the best course of action is based on each individual. There are no cookie cutter short cuts.

After hearing a couple million of these stories I can tell it’s affecting her. She seems sad and tired. The playful, airy, light soul is still there, but it takes a little more prodding to bring out at times. She’s even quit believing in things she used to know were integral elements of life. Her job has hardened a bit of her soul. Picture a beautiful little stream. Full of clear, clean babbling water. Supporting an entire community of wildlife and people. Mossy rocks and wildflowers. Dogwood trees in bloom and watercress. Then somebody up the hill dumps over a load of pesticide that flows into the stream. Some of the qualities that make the stream a wonderful place are killed off. In time, some return but they’re never the same. Each pollutant hurts the stream. Each story tears her apart.

She wants to do more for each and every one of her storytellers but knows she can’t and it weighs heavily on her. I sense a feeling of helplessness in her at times. She really helps all her storytellers. Many in clearly visible ways. Some imperceptibly. Some are aware of the help she provides and actually thank her. These are rare. I truly believe that most of them would vocalize their thanks if they could only sense her need a little better. Most are unfortunately barely aware of their own needs.

There’s light at the other end of the tunnel. She’s working at changing jobs. I know she’ll pull through but I wish it could be a little easier and a little quicker. I worry about her some. She needs a hug real bad. I wish we didn’t live so far apart.

Monday, April 04, 2005

I Remember (a fish story)

Fishing is so much more than it seems to the casual non-fishing observer. It truly is, as Issac Walton knew, the contemplative man’s sport. Any one who goes to all that effort solely to catch fish will not stay with the sport long. It is a restful sport interspersed with brief spells of excitement and action. Fishing provides time to think, time to solve the world’s problems. Time to observe nature around you. Time to be a contemplative soul.

Like most all recreational activities, the joy of the sport extends well beyond the water where you fish. Part of the experience is planning the next trip and recalling past trips. Going to the tackle store and picking out the next “hot” bait. What worked last time? Will it work this time? Who caught the biggest, most, first, smallest, etc.. Telling stories, not lies, stories. Fishing is a chance to own toys: rods, reels, baits, boats, even clothes. And although most people only use one rod and reel at a time, you have to be prepared for any situation, so you own multiple rods and multiple reels. Toys have to be maintained. Those days when it’s too miserable to fish are prime opportunities to clean and lube reels, wrap new guides on a pole, tie a few poppin’ bugs, and to recall fishing trips and the ones that got away.

My earliest fishing memory comes from when I was five or six years old. Dad, my brother and I are in the car. It’s dark. Dad was always one for hitting the road early to get there when the fish were biting best. I remember the little bait shop we pulled into to buy worms and crickets. A small building at the edge of an enormous gravel parking lot. I don’t remember much about the fishing, but that bait shop clings to my memory.

We camped and fished for trout as a family. Mom was always ready to go along, but I don’t remember her fishing much. When we camped, she’d stay in bed while Dad, my brother, and I went off to fish. We’d fish until a decent hour, come back to camp, get Mom, and go to the lodge to eat breakfast. The lodge always impressed me. It was big, with stone walls on two sides, a gigantic fireplace, and log beamed ceiling. There was a rack for rods out front; nobody ever thought of touching someone elses rod. The plates and cups all had dogwood blossoms on them. I remember the time we camped under the burr oak behind the lodge one fall. It was past the season so the lodge wasn’t open. Mom did all the cooking on an old Coleman white gas stove. We set up the tent in the dark. We kept hearing what sounded like rocks hitting things all around us. It wasn’t until the next morning that we saw the burr oak; its acorns are a little larger than golf balls and every bit as hard.

My brother fished for trout with a little rubber worm on a fly rod. Dad always used woolly worms that he tied himself and little spinners as did I. My Grandmother was a worm fisher through and through; no hoity toity flies for her. Dad always caught his limit first. I remember the first time I caught my limit. For me it was as important a rite of passage as a young Sioux killing his first buffalo. My family may not have had to rely on the meat I brought home, but those fish where every bit as meaningful to me.

I remember catching goggle eyes in the Gasconade River and pumpkin seeds in the Saline River. I remember catching trout at Bennett’s Spring and in the Arkansas River. I remember the day I hooked a sailfish, fought it for a while, and it got fed up and left. It was a good fight. I remember the day Dad and I caught small mouth bass all day long on Crooked Creek. I remember the day on Lac Suel I was fishing with Cameron and caught an 18 pound northern pike. I remember fishing with Harold the day we caught all those walleye. I remember days on Reelfoot Lake, Lake of the Ozarks, the pond at the prison farm, Binder Lake, DeGray Lake, Lake Truman, the Eleven Point River, the Jack’s Fork, the Current, the ... Cane poles, fly rods, crank baits, crickets, poppin’ bugs, casting rods, ... I also remember many days when we, or I, didn’t catch a thing. After all, it’s called fishing, not catching.

I remember a day on the Gulf we were drifting back and forth across the line marking the edge where the brown Mississippi River water and the clear blue Gulf water meet. There was a mat of sargasso weed along the line. Each time we drifted from the brown side into the blue side, dolphin would dart out from the protection of the weed to hit out baits dangled just at the surface of the water. They were beautiful, bright turquoise-blue and gold. We were catching fish faster than the mate could take them off our hooks and throw them in the box. All he had time to do was cut bait and toss pieces to us. The fish died on the deck of the boat, their color changing to grays and black, blood splashing everywhere. After twenty or thirty minutes of this we left for another oil rig. The captain knew we had killed enough fish from this school. We all came home with bags of mahi mahi.

What will my next fishing memory include; I can’t wait to find out.